


nothing in this world i wouldn't do

by annadavidson



Series: let us duel the stars (a mass effect dual au) [4]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dual AU, Gen, Mass Effect AU, Mass Effect Dual AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 08:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10873182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annadavidson/pseuds/annadavidson
Summary: Scott always liked the idea of having younger siblings. It's found in the scene before the last one.Summary: Some (angsty) brotherly moments between Scott and Julian, mostly pre-Andromeda.





	nothing in this world i wouldn't do

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: Brief mention of scars/cuts, however there is no description of self-harming/cutting.
> 
> For reference: Gabby and Julian are twins at 22 in MEA. Scott and Sara are their older twin siblings at 25 in MEA.

Scott always liked the idea of having younger siblings. He could hold over their head that he was older and thus knew better than them. He couldn’t do that with Sara. He had soon learned which of his siblings he could tease and how he could tease them. Julian… He avoided teasing Julian with a ten foot pole. His brother wasn’t like his sisters. He’d given him a noogie once and the look he’d received had been heartbreaking. Julian had basically looked like he’d been punched. That guilt trip hadn’t been fun.

Whereas his sisters, he could tease more. They had a sense of humor at least similar to his – Julian had a sense of humor too, but it took a while to learn what it was. Gabby would usually lick his arm as he held her for a noogie. Sara would bite and then, upon being released, proceed to noogie him and he’d bite her back. It was usually an endless cycle with Sara.

His sisters had always been closer while Julian had gravitated to his side. As kids, they were annoying for the first few years, especially with how Julian would cling to his side and constantly follow him around. He never pushed Julian away – his mother said he shouldn’t do that. One day his parents had sat him and his sisters down and explained why Julian was different, that there was nothing wrong with him or how he was, but also that some people might take advantage of that, some people might tell him something’s wrong with him.

From that day on, Scott protected his little brother. He protected his sisters too, but they didn’t need it as often as Julian – they didn’t need _him_ as often. Anyone messed with Sara, and she usually beat him to the punch. Anyone messed with Gabby, and he and Sara usually double-teamed them. He usually beat his sisters to the punch whenever someone messed with Julian. Even when he thought that someone was his father.

Scott got along with Alec when he was a young kid. The strain and tension between him and his father didn’t start until he was a teenager. With his mother’s medical issues and his father’s work with the Alliance, Alec wasn’t there as often as Scott thought he should have been. It left the teenager to take up the typical “man of the house” role, especially with his siblings. Sara may have been older than him, but he had often – and still did – act like the eldest of the Ryder siblings.

Learning to cook with his mother had created a bond between them. Learning to fight and shoot with his father should have created a bond. Instead it had stretched the already growing rift between them.

* * *

Scott lowered his gun after hitting the target dead center. He was sixteen years old and had been showing signs of being a prodigy when it came to weaponry and combat since he’d started training with his father. The training was informal, but it worked for him. He didn’t have to worry about grades and moving up in a class. All he had to worry about was impressing his father. However it didn’t work for every Ryder kid.

He looked over his shoulder to see how his siblings had done when he noticed his brother. Julian was thirteen years old, three years younger than him and Sara just like Gabby. Julian had a pistol in his hands, noise-cancelling headphones hanging on his neck, resting against his shoulder blades. If he was anyone else, Scott would have assumed he was just waiting on a new target. But he wasn’t just anyone, he was his little brother.

Scott pushed his own headphones down so they rested around his neck and set his pistol down. He walked over to Julian, noticing the way his little brother was staring at the ground… No, the way he was staring at the _gun_ in his hands. Most people would have assumed he was just zoning out, but Scott knew his looks, knew his brother. He reached out, placing a hand on Julian’s shoulder to get his attention.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked. Julian’s gaze didn’t waver from the gun, but he had a feeling he had his brother’s attention.

Julian hesitated. He looked like he wanted to drop the gun and never touch it again. “…I made Dad get upset.”

Scott cocked his head to the side to try to get a better look at his brother’s face and frowned. “How do you know that?” Julian wasn’t good at being able to tell how someone else was feeling, what emotions they were expressing. He wondered what Alec had done to make Julian think he was upset.

Julian looked up at him, though he didn’t meet his eyes. “He raised his voice. Don’t people do that when they’re upset?”

Scott glanced over his shoulder to see if Sara and Gabby had overheard before looking back to Julian. “Why would he be upset? JJ, what happened?”

Julian’s gaze dropped to the floor. He held the gun loosely as if hoping it would fall from his hand and through the floor. “I… I wouldn’t fire.” He looked up at Scott, uncharacteristically meeting his older brother’s eyes. “I don’t want to fire it. I don’t want to know how to fire it. I don’t want to hurt someone.”

Scott reached down and gently took the pistol in his own hands, setting it down by his own. “It’s a target, JJ. It’s not alive. You can’t hurt it. You can’t kill it–”

 _“I don’t want to know how to,”_ Julian pushed the words out. For once, he looked ashamed in himself. He was a prodigy, a child genius with an eidetic memory. He was great with science, math, and history. He learned easily and quickly. He was passionate about learning.

Scott had always thought his brother had taken pride in his intelligence. He had never seen Julian _not_ want to learn. He cupped the back of Julian’s neck and put on his best smile for him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Dad.”

He found Alec getting off a call with someone he assumed was in the Alliance. Alec had heard him walking over but barely had time to ask if he was done with target practice before Scott spoke up.

“Are you forcing Julian to learn how to shoot a gun?” Scott asked, straightforward and firm. He held his back straight and chin a little higher than usual whenever he talked with his father.

Alec mirrored his son’s frown – a look Scott had more than likely picked up from him. “What?” He sounded more confused than upset.

“Julian doesn’t want to know how to shoot a gun,” Scott continued, “You shouldn’t force him…” He trailed off when his father sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Scott, your brother doesn’t even want to know how to _hit_ someone without breaking his hand,” Alec explained, “He needs to know how to defend himself.”

Scott paused at that. He agreed it would be good for Julian to be able to protect himself. But at the same time the idea of his little brother _shooting_ someone dead… He didn’t like that image, and he was fairly certain _killing_ someone would break Julian in ways that he might not be able to be put back together from.

“I get that,” he said, “But he doesn’t _want_ to learn. You shouldn’t force him to learn!”

Alec’s frown deepened at the raise in Scott’s voice. “Julian needs to learn how to protect himself. I won’t always be around to –”

“You’re hardly around already!” Scott couldn’t stop himself from snapping the words out.

_“Scott!”_

He flinched at his father’s tone, not because he thought Alec would hit him – he’d never do that – but more out of habit, that tone often being followed up with a grounding or his video games being confiscated. But he stubbornly stood his ground. If his siblings wouldn’t call their father out, he would.

“He just wants you to be proud of him!”

“I _am_ proud of _all_ of you,” Alec stated firmly, his voice telling Scott he needed to tread carefully. “I’ve never said otherwise to _any_ of you.”

Rationally Scott knew he should have backed down and apologized. But instead he stepped closer in an act of defiance. His own frustration was mirrored and fueled by his father’s.

“He doesn’t think so when you get angry at him and force him to do something he doesn’t want to.”

Alec stepped closer, invading his personal space and making red flags go off in his head. Scott fumbled, taking a few steps back, but Alec’s hand shot out and grabbed him by the arm. Alec’s grip wasn’t rough and it didn’t hurt. It was purposefully tight enough just to get Scott’s attention as he pulled his son, as gently as he could with the frustration he felt, closer to him. He waited until Scott’s eyes, slightly widened from surprise, were locked onto his.

“He needs to know how to protect himself. I cannot protect him forever. _You_ cannot protect him forever.”

He expected Scott to admit what they both knew – that he was right. But instead Scott’s face set into its usual stubborn expression. He straightened his back and held his head high.

_“Watch me.”_

* * *

Scott was twenty-one and Julian was eighteen when they were assigned to guard an outpost near the Arcturus Station. He had caught Julian looking in a mirror after changing into the guard uniform. He leaned to the side against the doorway, smirking with his arms folded across his chest. Julian had noticed him in the mirror.

“Well don’t we look sexy,” he teased, having changed into the uniform a few minutes ago. “Everyone says the Ryder men look good in a uniform.”

Julian turned partially to look at him, an eyebrow raised. “Who said that?”

“You mean besides Mom?”

He looked back to the mirror. “Mom always complimented us.”

Scott walked up to his side, slinging an arm across his shoulders. “And she always meant it.”

Julian glanced down at where the weapons he was supposed to have on him lay. “…I don’t know if I can do this,” he admitted, “I think Dad pulled strings to get me assigned here with you.”

Scott admittedly thought that too, but instead he said, “Nah, we’re just that awesome, JJ. We’re the Dynamic Duo!”

Julian frowned faintly, confused. “Are you referring to Batman and Robin or–”

He lightly laughed. “I was referring to _us._ We’re gonna kick ass here.”

Julian just looked more confused. “I don’t think we’re being paid to do that.”

“It’s a figure of speech, Jules.”

* * *

He hadn’t thought anyone would actually attack the outpost. He took cover with some of the other guards, practically dragging Julian to cover with him. He thought the attackers might have been slavers or bandits. He couldn’t be sure without getting closer. One of the outpost’s residents had already been shot dead along with a couple guards. However the slavers were dropping too. But there were still too many of them – too many targets at once. And he only had so many ammo clips.

Julian was knelt behind the overturned table they were using as cover with one other guard – two other guards were behind a desk they had overturned too. He had his gun loaded and ready to hand to his brother in case Scott needed it. He had also already given his ammo to Scott.

 _“What the fuck are you doing?!”_ Julian heard someone shout and looked to see the guard with them behind the table glaring at him and looking genuinely pissed off. Both brothers recognized the guard as Bryan – he was as close to a best friend Scott had at the outpost, besides Julian. They got along great, had a similar sense of humor. Scott thought Bryan and Julian got along alright – it was hard for Julian to make friends – but at the moment, he wasn’t fond of how Bryan was talking to his brother.

“Why don’t you point that fucking gun and shoot something?!” Bryan demanded, earning a rough shove from Scott.

 _“Fuck off!”_ he snarled. Bryan looked at him in surprise, but neither of them said another word. Scott moved, coming out of the cover and firing out shots, striking a slaver in the knee before ducking back behind the table. When he spoke next, he addressed all the guards in the room – Julian, Bryan, Tucker, and Jennifer. “We need to stop them from getting in! Hold this line and hope Alicia got to the communication tower and called backup.”

Where they were hulled up was directly in the path of the slavers – bandits? He still didn’t know – getting farther into the outpost. The rest of the residents had locked themselves in rooms, each with a guard to protect them.

“Someone shot the main door controls over here,” Jennifer called over to him, “But there are still controls by the doors, if someone can get close enough – Maybe they can hack the controls and close the doors!”

Julian looked up at the mention of hacking, eyes darting from one guard to another before settling on Scott. “I can hack it.”

Scott shook his head as Bryan, Tucker, and Jennifer fired more shots at the slavers. Tucker cried out as a bullet lodged itself into his shoulder. Jennifer moved quickly, setting her gun down to tend to Tucker’s wound. Scott turned to Bryan as the other man knelt back down under cover as the slavers rained bullets down at them.

“We need a plan,” Bryan pointed out.

“I’m _thinking,”_ Scott stressed when he became aware of the familiar sound of his sword being unsheathed. He turned to find Julian holding it. “Jules, _no.”_

Julian’s hand holding the sword was shaking. “Shoot them down. I can cut a path to the door and hack it.”

_“No –”_

“But I can –”

 _“Julian Jonathan Ryder,_ you are _not_ charging a shitload of enemies with _my_ sword,” Scott practically ordered, “Do I make myself clear?!” The frown his brother now wore told him he had. He turned back to Bryan. “Any ideas?”

“Aren’t you the one constantly going on about how leaderly you are?”

_“Shut up.”_

Bryan forced out a chuckle. “I have a grenade. You throw it while I lay down some fire?”

Scott nodded and took the grenade from Bryan’s belt. “Works for me.”

Bryan stood up and held his gun over the edge of the table and fired. Jennifer, after making sure Tucker was applying the right amount of pressure to his shoulder, got up as well and fired her gun.

Bryan’s voice rang over the sound of bullets. _“Scott.”_

Scott grit his teeth and prepared the grenade. “I’m on it. I’m going as fast as I can!”

_“Scott.”_

“I said _I’m on it!”_ he snapped impatiently. He moved quickly, before he had time to think, to _look._ He stood up, turned, and threw the grenade just as Bryan’s voice practically screamed into his ear.

_“Scott!!”_

He noticed why Bryan had tried to get his attention too late. He noticed the presence gone from his side too late. He watched in horror as Julian made his way across the room. Bryan and Jennifer’s bullets had been shooting down targets before they could shoot Julian. And the youngest Ryder was expertly cutting down slavers as he passed them. He was already at the door when he heard his name tear from Scott’s throat. He turned around in time to see the grenade and register that he had to find shelter.

The explosion happened before Scott could tell if Julian had taken cover in time or not. His ears rang, and it took him a moment to gather his thoughts. As soon as did, he was up and moving. His gun was forgotten as he made his way through the room – old equipment, chairs, and tables were in ruin. Dust and smoke floated in the air, blurring his vision. He called his brother’s name out. The call grew more and more desperate, into a plead the more he had to say it. The bodies he passed were the slavers though, until he got to the doors.

He heard Julian before he saw him. His brother had managed to get the doors closed but now they were barely hanging on their hinges. The blast must have sent Julian crashing into them and through them. He found Julian on the ground in the hallway outside the doors, making a pained mixture of whimpers and crying. The sword had slid down the hall but was within arm’s reach. But that wasn’t Scott’s priority.

Julian was bleeding from several cuts caused by shrapnel. When he tried to move, he whimpered more, probably from broken ribs – bruised ribs at best. But what caused Scott’s heart to feel as if it had stopped was the fact that Julian was covering his right eye and the skin around it with both hands.

Scott fell to his knees and quickly, as gently as he could, pulled his little brother into his arms, repeating over and over again that he was sorry, that he hadn’t seen him. His body shook as he held his brother close and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, silently thanking whatever higher power was watching over them that Julian was alive.

He registered the sound of footsteps approaching. Keeping a hold on Julian with one arm, cradling him against him, he reached out and snatched the sword with his free hand. His body gave off a faint glow as his panic at the thought of being swarmed by more slavers subconsciously activated his biotics. He heard footsteps running over from behind and knew it was Bryan, Tucker, and Jennifer. They took up position around him – Jennifer briefly glanced at Julian to make sure he was still breathing – and readied their guns for another wave of attack.

But instead of slavers, they were greeted with Alliance soldiers from the Arcturus Station.

* * *

He sat next to the infirmary bed in an uncomfortable chair. He sat forward with his elbows on his knees. Some of the other guards had visited, but none had stayed that long. He hadn’t left his brother's side since they had arrived at the Arcturus Station to get Julian proper medical attention. Julian had been awake a few times, though he was currently sleeping. The doctor had delivered her news with Scott in the room. It wasn’t anything bad. Broken ribs, cuts from shrapnel that would heal and leave small scars. His eye was fine, but the skin around it would be scarred.

What the doctor was mostly concerned about were cuts she’d found on Julian’s arms, thighs, and even his waist. There weren’t many cuts, but there were many scars in those areas too that looked like past cuts. She wasn’t sure how long he’d been doing that to himself – she just knew it was still going on. She recommended a therapist, even suicide watch, and she’d called Alec.

Scott didn’t have to look when he heard the door open to know who it was. He stayed where he was, at his brother’s side, clutching Julian’s hand between his own. He had managed to smile and act like everything was fine when Julian was awake. It took all his effort to wait until his brother was asleep to break down. Even now, he’d been crying. He was too tired from everything to bother to wipe his eyes and pretend everything was fine. He needed to be strong for Julian, but he was asleep. He didn’t think he needed to be strong for their father.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alec kneel down next to him and felt a hand go on his shoulder.

“It’s not your fault,” Alec spoke up, attempting to comfort his son.

Scott grimaced. He’d heard those words from just about everyone, and he was so _fucking tired of it._ He wanted someone to blame him! He wanted someone to yell at him and scold him the way he thought he deserved. This was all his fault. _This was all his fault._

“I should have seen him,” he choked out, his head held low, his shoulders slumped. “I should have waited. I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off him. _I should have seen him.”_

There was a moment of silence that passed between them before, to his surprise, Scott found his father’s arms wrapped around him. He let go of Julian’s hand and clung to Alec, burying his face against the older man’s chest and just _sobbing,_ letting all of his emotions out, raw, unguarded.

He never wanted this to happen again. He never wanted to fail to protect his family again. And in that moment, he swore to himself he would always be there. He would always be vigilant. He would always be there to watch over and protect his siblings. No matter what, he’d always be by their side.

* * *

Julian sat next to the bed that Scott was laid on, which was next to the one Sara was on. He looked from Scott to Sara then back to Scott. Why wouldn’t they just wake up? They needed them. Gabby needed them. _He_ needed them. He reached out and took Scott’s hand in his own. He couldn’t bring himself to say what he wanted – to voice his fears. He was afraid that they’d never wake up. He was afraid that they would all die in Andromeda. He was afraid that his family would get separated.

He’d come to Andromeda in order to keep his family together, in fear of losing them. And now the only one at his side was Gabby. It was the two of them out of five. And what they were facing? It terrified him. He didn’t think he was strong enough, brave enough, or even smart enough. He didn’t think he should be the Pathfinder. _Scott_ should have been. Sara was supposed to be awake. Scott was supposed to be awake. Scott was supposed to be up, his sword slashing out at enemies and cutting them down.

Scott was supposed to be by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Like/reblog on Tumblr [here](http://magicrobins.tumblr.com/post/160518637130/nothing-in-this-world-i-wouldnt-do).


End file.
